The Great Maine Adventure IV...A Natural Born Leader!

As I start day one of the Great Maine Adventure IV a realization has come across me that may change my entire outlook of this trip. I don't know how many of you have actually experienced a true epiphany but his morning as I look out upon Attean Lake, with the mist rising from the water and the birds singing their morning songs a remarkable realization has crept into my head.

For years my friends asked me to join them on this annual pilgrimage to the Maine woods. They enticed me with stories of the beautiful serene setting, images of wildlife never before seen and even suggested that some of the lovely young eastern European women that work here for the summer might be looking for a green card. Not being the outdoorsy type I fought the idea for as long as I could, but several years ago I decided to join them and become a member of the Attean Lake vacation clan.

It has taken me four years but today as I sit here watching a loon glide across the lake I have concluded why my friends have asked me to join them. No, its not because I am a natural born leader, a person who can motivate a group to go above and beyond what they normally would not try to do. No, its not because I am an OCD time obsessed maniac who schedules everything from his morning constitution to his evening shower. No, its not because I am a witty and a damn funny person who people enjoy being around.

I have not been asked for any of the reasons above. Their clever plan blindsided me for years, but this morning as I silently crept about the cabin so as not to awaken any of them, I found the leash that attaches to Iko the Pug who I was charged to walk in the morning because “no one gets up as early as you Michael”. And it struck me.

My friends, I am their stinking butler.

Yes their butler. A dog walking, coffee getting, kayak schlepping, Mr. Belvedere, Mr. French, Carson and Jeeves rolled up in one. The signs were all there. Paul and Christine requesting I refer to them as Lord and Lady Falzone, Sam and Will showing disdain that I had not packed the cooler with enough ice and Richel, sweet innocent Richel ringing that damn little bell every time my presence is requested.

I am truly befuddled on why it took me so long to come to this conclusion. Even last night there were several times during the evening that someone tried to drape a towel over my forearm. How silly of me to have taken the time since first coming to Attean Lake to hone my skills as an adventurous trailblazer, master kayaker and expert oarsman. Do they not realize that I am a human GPS unit capable of finding my way back to base from any location in the backwoods?

No, no they don't. They would cast all of those skills aside for a hot cup of joe and a pug with an empty bladder before they wake up.

Like any butler worth his salt, I rise before the sun and begin to plan the day. A quick walk to the lodge allows me to gather the daily meal plan which I am now accustomed to relaying to M'Lord and M'Lady once awakened from golden slumbers with the smell of hot coffee I have so carefully carried back to the cabin.

Once the royal family has been gently coaxed from their beds with my masterful rendition of a morning dove's coo, I must be careful not to let them dawdle to long for breakfast is only served for a short time. Making sure that they have been seated comfortably in the breakfast hall sometimes M'lady will grant me the good fortune of dining with them on a wonderful bounty of eggs, sausages, bacon, pancakes and delightful pastries. After filling their bellies the royals return to the cabin for the after breakfast nap. Once I see that they have all been delicately returned to their beds I am afforded some free time to kayak, pursue eastern European women or just relax and dream of what might have been.

If during the remaining days of my Great Maine Adventure IV you notice characters mysteriously vanishing from this blog, there can be one and only one reason why.

The butler did it.