Ok, who do we blame?

Over the past few weeks we have been witness to atrocities against mankind that have us shaking our heads in wonderment. Citizens dying at the hands of law enforcement, police officers dying at the hands of citizens and people of all races, religions and genders being slaughtered by insane human beings who believe their terrorists acts will somehow change the world. How can we have come to this? There must be someone to blame. But who, who is really to blame for all of this.

One would believe that by using reasonable deduction it would not be very hard to conclude who exactly is the force behind all of this horror going on in our lives and who truly deserves the blame.

Let's start with the people we can't blame:

1. Don't blame me, I didn't vote for Obama. OK, we have just eliminated almost 50 million people who have uttered that phrase at least once over the last eight years.
2. Don't blame me, I didn't vote for Bush. Another 50 million people who believe they deserve absolution.

3. Don't blame me, I'm believe in gun control
4. Don't blame me, I'm opposed to gun control
5. Don't blame me, I support Black Lives Matter
6. Don't blame me, I don't believe black lives matter any more than any other life
7. Don't blame me, if Hillary wins, I'm moving to Canada
8. Don't blame me, if Trump wins, I'm moving to Canada
9. Don't blame me, I didn't tell them to be gay
10. Don't blame me, I don't care if they are gay
11. Don't blame me, I didn't tell them to come to this county
12. Don't blame me, I think we should have open borders and allow anyone to come in to our country
13. Don't blame me, I work for a living
14. Don't blame me, I believe people in need should get help from the government

The list can go on forever. The excuses will never end. That's why we will never actually be able to blame anyone for what is happening in society today. So if we can't actually blame a “someone” for this is there a “something” that can be blamed.

Can technology actually be blamed for enticing civil unrest? Did Diamond Reynolds realize what she was doing while she streamed video of her boyfriend being shot by a policeman in Minnesota? Did having security camera all over Dallas help in fostering the belief that policeman are innocent targets? Do racist rants and liberal propaganda on social media actually change any of our beliefs? No, I don't think technology can be the blame only because these things were invented by the people in numbers one through fourteen and if they can't be blamed, how can their inventions take the fall?

Can we put the blame on the evolution (for those who believe in that sort of thing) of society itself for what is going on, or is this just the culmination of Intelligent Design (for those who believe in that sort of thing) that will lead us to complete chaos?

I believe the answer to blame is staring us in the face. It's an item that each and every one of us uses everyday. Something so simple that we don't even realize it. What we need to blame are the mirrors we use to look at ourselves each day, because when we look in that mirror and say “how in the world is this going on” and then go about our day like nothing is happening we can protect ourselves by hiding behind the reflection left in the mirror. 

All of us are appalled at what has happened over the last few weeks. We talk about it at work, at home and over a beer, but for most of us, myself included, that's where it stops. One of these days, and I hope it is soon I will be able to look into the mirror and know that I actually tried to help stop some of the challenges that are facing our family's, our friends, our neighbors and the people who make it their jobs to protect us.

We are all responsible for what happens to each and everyone of us, maybe it's time we start taking some of the blame.

Ban the Canadians!

Over the last year we have heard time and time again from the presumptive nominee of the Republican party that we must build a wall and ban all Mexicans because they are drug dealers and rapists. We have to ban and close our borders to the muslims because they are all terrorists. Holy crap, we have to ban the internet because it's being used to radicalize innocent minds. I have no idea how "Le Grande Orange" (apologies to Rusty Staub) can be taken seriously when he has missed the boat on the single biggest threat to our country since the Bay City Rollers.

We must ban the Canadians! Yes the Canadians. While we worry about people young and old crossing our southern borders in the quest for a better life, those scoundrels from the north are busy planning the complete take over of our country. Their plan is ingenious and they have begun to assimilate into our society without you knowing it.

Tell me something, when was the last time you were in a line at the grocery store, at the ball park or even better your local gun store stocking up for Armageddon and knew you were standing next to a Canadian? You can't can you? There's a reason for that, they look just like us! That's just how clever those sneaky Canadians are.

This goes against all logic of keeping your friends close but your enemies closer! Here, the man who wants to make America great again is going to ban and remove all of the people you can clearly look at and see that they are bad people, because let's face it, just looking at them is the best way to decide whether or not someone is bad, but yet he doesn't mention anything about the people who look just like us. His utter indifference (or is it?) to this threat will have huge ramifications if something isn't done, and let me tell you, it will not be pretty, and by not pretty I mean....

FREE HEALTHCARE! Yes once enough Canadians have slithered their way across our border they will begin putting this ridiculous plan into place. What the hell? People getting free healthcare, it's just madness. That would mean more healthy Muslims and Mexicans, and god knows we can't have that. Well no, I forgot, the Mexicans will be behind the great wall so that's not a worry and somehow we are going to be able to stop all of the Muslims at Kennedy Airport, soooooooo that means free healthcare for all of us! Wait a minute, that last statement sounded very Canadian, come on man, hold on, get a grip you can't let them do this to you!

They have already infiltrated our national pastime with a team from Toronto called the Blue Jays. The Blue Jays....get it, bbllluuueee (they've claimed one of our colors, how long before red and white follow), they are trying desperately to woo Buffalo's beloved Bills to cross the border, well o.k., take the Bills, just leave the wings. The 122^nd most popular sport in the world is hockey and we have more teams in America than they do in Canada, and it's their national pastime! What next, NASCAR? Oh god please not NASCAR!

Did you know that The North American Swedish Fish factory, the company that makes your favorite gill-bearing gummies is located in Ontario? Uh huh, you can see where I'm going with this, right? How do we know what they are actually putting in those gummies? I can swear that the last time I had some I broke into a fine and unsolicited acapella version of “Oh Canada”.

You have no idea how pissed off the Canadians are about Molson. They have been trying to push that stuff down our throats for years and here we are embracing Dos Equis (made in Mexico) and the most interesting man in the world. Now I know he isn't really Mexican but would he be able to come into the country even though he played one on T.V.?

Look, I'm not saying all Canadians are shifty-eyed scoundrels from the north, and some of my very best friends are Canadian but, you know, I wouldn't want my daughter marrying one. Think of the kids.

One hour after quitting Facebook...

1. After one hour of quitting Facebook color begins to return to your face, your eyes stop watering every 15 minutes and you are shocked to see that your walls really need to be painted.
2. After one day of quitting Facebook a random porn site membership increases by one. (Yeah like you’ve never looked).
3. After one week of quitting Facebook food tastes better, the air smells cleaner and your skin starts to clear up. (See number two).
4. After two weeks of quitting Facebook you realize that your computer has a whole bunch of really neato programs you’ve never used before. There's a little something called Candy Crush that all the kids are talking about, Itunes really sounds like fun, Ibooks is another, can you imagine books right on a computer! Damn!
5. After three weeks of quitting Facebook you understand now how useful the index finger truly is. It’s not just for swiping anymore!
6. After one month of quitting Facebook you become part of the solution, you're out there, you’re spending money, you’re investing in the economy albeit Russia’s when five random porn sites memberships increase by one. Bol’shoye spasibo my little Dorogaya.
7. After two months of quitting Facebook you realize that you are running out of “Tasty” new heart attack inducing recipes. Exactly how much cheese is there in the world and can I really fit them all into one 30 minute slow cooker recipe?
8. After four months of quitting Facebook get your fat ass back to the gym. A direct result of number seven.
9. After six months of quitting Facebook you finally get over the embarrassment of not recognizing friend’s voices when you actually talk to them. It's just so hard to know if they "liked" my call or not. (insert emojji quizzical face here)
10. After eight months of quitting Facebook you find out that David Bowie died. David Bowie died? DAVID BOWIE DIED??? I wonder why that wasn’t covered on my local news. You Bastards!
11. After ten months of quitting Facebook you give up watching your cat because after strapping a GoPro to her head for a week you realize that she doesn’t do any of that cute stuff that all of the Facebook cats in the world do and now you have to take her to the vet because her neck is all crooked.
12. After twelve months of quitting Facebook you are notified that your membership to BigBuxomAmericanMomsWhoStripforSaudiBusinessmenWhilePlayingTwister.com is expiring.

$19.95 well spent my friends, welllllll spent!

Facebook, It's Not You...It's Me!!!

Michael: Oh Facebook, we knew this time would come. I had warned you early on that relationships like this don't last. Sure we had some good times, shared some memories, got involved in each others families and thought that this was it, a relationship that would last a millennium.

Facebook: 

Michael: I'm sorry to say this Facebook, and please just hear me out. I know this is going to be upsetting to you and I know how you can get when you are upset, but really, seriously, it's not you....It's me!
Facebook:


Michael: When we first met I was taken by your popularity, everyone wanted to be your friend, and boom, all I had to do was ask and there you were the head cheerleader wanting to hang out with me, and given my past history with relationships (see Manson Married, Me Single) I was hooked from the start.  How wonderful it was in the early years, the trips we took, the late night check-ins just to make sure I was OK, even the occasional message reminding that my mom's birthday was coming up made you special.
Facebook:

Michael: I used to look forward to coming home after a long day at work and turning you on. Yeah, you always said I knew just the right buttons to press. No matter what time of day or night you never rebuffed my wanting to spend some time with you. What more could I have ever asked for.

Your concern for the well being of my family and friends went beyond what I could have ever expected in a relationship like this. I was so taken by how great it was when I introduced you to them, it was like you knew them as well as I did.
Facebook:

Michael: But something seems to have changed, something I've noticed over the last few months. Believe me, I have tried hard to look the other way, put these odd feelings aside and just continue on with our relationship, but alas my dear Facebook the overwhelming feelings of disappointment have finally taken me over. I must do the unthinkable, Facebook we have to breakup.

Facebook:

Michael: Now there's no reason to get nasty, just hear me out. As you became increasingly popular over the last few years, there's been a change. The filters you once had that helped you distinguish between right and wrong have seemed to become blurred and like all of us, as we grow our thoughts and opinions change, and you have every right to change yours and express them however you choose. That is why Facebook it's not you, it's me.

Facebook: 

Michael: Our relationship has allowed me to see and hear things that I no longer am comfortable with. What used to be fun and amusing has now turned into sad and upsetting. Too many times of late have I had to push you aside because of the things you show me. 

Facebook:

Michael: And that's OK Facebook, you have a right to show and say whatever you choose. I know you've told me many times to just block or hide what I don't like seeing. I can't do that Facebook, it would be a lie and I won't do that to my Facebook friends. I became friends with them in life long before you came along because they were important to me. To block or hide what they say or show is not fair to them, I would never take that right away from them. So that is why we must go our separate ways. 

Facebook:

Michael: You have to understand Facebook. I honestly believe that I can keep in touch with all of those people who are important to me and maintain the relationships I had before you came into my life, and if I don't shame on me. Friendships should not and can not be defined by what you relay us, they need to be established with intelligent conversations and visits where you can look into each other in the eyes while discussing the ways of the world. Too many times what you have shown us can be misconstrued and friendships ruined without a word ever being spoken. I would like to say that I will miss the photos, videos, birthday wishes and snippets of life that my friends share with me. But my mission is to keep those things alive without your help. 

Facebook:

Michael: Thank you for understanding Facebook, I knew you would. Hey, but we can still be friends, right?
Facebook: 




Michael:





Note: For those family and friends who would like to comment on this please do so at the bottom of the blog in the comment section. I am going to try and keep the blog going and through google. If you would like to know when it is updated just let me know at michael.grattini@gmail.com, If not and I'm a man of my word, you'll probably hear from me anyway.