One hour after quitting Facebook...

1. After one hour of quitting Facebook color begins to return to your face, your eyes stop watering every 15 minutes and you are shocked to see that your walls really need to be painted.
2. After one day of quitting Facebook a random porn site membership increases by one. (Yeah like you’ve never looked).
3. After one week of quitting Facebook food tastes better, the air smells cleaner and your skin starts to clear up. (See number two).
4. After two weeks of quitting Facebook you realize that your computer has a whole bunch of really neato programs you’ve never used before. There's a little something called Candy Crush that all the kids are talking about, Itunes really sounds like fun, Ibooks is another, can you imagine books right on a computer! Damn!
5. After three weeks of quitting Facebook you understand now how useful the index finger truly is. It’s not just for swiping anymore!
6. After one month of quitting Facebook you become part of the solution, you're out there, you’re spending money, you’re investing in the economy albeit Russia’s when five random porn sites memberships increase by one. Bol’shoye spasibo my little Dorogaya.
7. After two months of quitting Facebook you realize that you are running out of “Tasty” new heart attack inducing recipes. Exactly how much cheese is there in the world and can I really fit them all into one 30 minute slow cooker recipe?
8. After four months of quitting Facebook get your fat ass back to the gym. A direct result of number seven.
9. After six months of quitting Facebook you finally get over the embarrassment of not recognizing friend’s voices when you actually talk to them. It's just so hard to know if they "liked" my call or not. (insert emojji quizzical face here)
10. After eight months of quitting Facebook you find out that David Bowie died. David Bowie died? DAVID BOWIE DIED??? I wonder why that wasn’t covered on my local news. You Bastards!
11. After ten months of quitting Facebook you give up watching your cat because after strapping a GoPro to her head for a week you realize that she doesn’t do any of that cute stuff that all of the Facebook cats in the world do and now you have to take her to the vet because her neck is all crooked.
12. After twelve months of quitting Facebook you are notified that your membership to BigBuxomAmericanMomsWhoStripforSaudiBusinessmenWhilePlayingTwister.com is expiring.

$19.95 well spent my friends, welllllll spent!